Ready for REAL Change in 2008?  Join the Canine Party!

…  circle, circle,  wag, wag…  You may have read that Djembe the dog is running for President.  We saw in my last post that there would be a lot of changes in the White House and Cabinet… I mean Dog House and Pack…

… A Canine President would also act quickly to sniff out some important policy issues.  For instance…

Health Care.  Every dog and person would have the right to an annual heart worm test, fecal exam, bordella shot and rabies vaccination.  Of course since dogs don’t have money, someone else would be responsible for paying for this right.  As an aside, treatments for having a wet, cold nose would not be covered since we all know that is a sign of good health…

National Security.  Invisible Fence… think about it.  If we installed an invisible fence around the whole country we’d be safe right?  I’m not sure though, how we would get all the bad people and would be terrorists to wear shock collars…  

If the invisible fence or terrorist shock collar distribution effort turns out to be impractical we’d just let our new Rottweiler Secretary of Defense roam the borders.  (We could tell him he was guarding a warehouse or a used car lot).

Economy.  Need to stimulate an economy?  Free up the credit markets?  Grow the GDP? Solve the Housing Crisis?  Simple answer… replace Dollars with Dog treats.   Think about how motivating a dog treat is… most dogs will do anything for a treat.  I’m sure the principal would work on a wider scale.  And, at the current value of the US Dollar, I believe a dog treat would fare better against foreign currencies.

War on Drugs:  More Drug Dogs… need I say more?  Okay, maybe we’d also name a German Sheppard to be the new Drug Czar.

Energy Independence and Global Warming:  Again, simple to solve for a Canine President… All US dog parks would be connected to the national power grid.  Dogs entering a park would be fitted with a backpack device that would convert motion into energy (just like those cool wind up flashlight).  Dogs would receive tax credits, in the form of dog treats of course, for each time they fetched a tennis ball at the park.  Need even more power?  Tear down some government buildings and oil refineries and use the land for more dog parks.  (Reduce, Reuse, Recycle)

… Lastly it would be important for the first Canine President to tackle some of the outstanding Constitutional questions.  Here are some areas were he might start…

Roe V. Wade:  Spay or Neuter… Problem Solved.

Right to Bear Arms:  Without guns there’d be no duck hunting… without duck hunting there’d be no ducks falling into the water for Retrievers to retrieve…  (my tail is between my legs just thinking about it…)  So a Canine President would say ‘A shotgun in every house, a Duck in every pot.’  Sorry if you’re a duck reading this, but someone has to make the sacrific for the greater good.

1st Amendment and Free Speech.  We’d have to do something to ensure Canine free speech.  Again, simple change for our Canine President.  He (or she?) would simply amend the 1st amendment from reading ‘…no law… abridging the freedom of speech…’ to reading ’… no law… abridging the freedom of speech or bark, especially bark collars…’  Done!

So again I bark to my fellow Canines, Canine Lovers, Cat People (not sure why you’re here, but welcome), Llama People (same question as the cat people) and anybody else reading this.  Whether you’re a tree huggers (by the way, that’s only a derogatory term if used to describe a squirrel or a cat trapped in a tree) or you prefer to cut trees down so you can build cools stuff like dog houses, I urge you to consider voting for a Canine President this year.  Even if you don’t live in the US I think your vote for a Canine candidate would count just as much as a US citizen’s, so vote Canine from wherever you are…

Ready for REAL Change in 2008?  Join the Canine Party!

I'm Max the Golden Retriever and I approved this message. 
Paid for by the Committee to Elect a Canine President.